February 2012
24 posts
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if you spend the money, honey, I've got the time
“What do you do with all your money?”
“Save your money!”
“You must make a fortune working here!”
No matter how often customers use lines like these for small talk, my WASPy upbringing makes me recoil from talking about money—even though intellectually I believe we as a society would benefit from napalming our money issues.
Sometimes when I tell customers...
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one down, five to go
Unicorn drawing on my dressing room table where we are.
Kat’s first night post is here
This place I’ve brought us is the smallest club I’ve ever danced in, in the most remote town I’ve ever worked in, and every time I come here I have a mini-breakdown in the middle of the week where I think, “So. Here I am, in a titty bar in BFE. What kind of life decisions have...
I wrote a thing about Sam Elliott for Naked... →
kat like meow: Obligatory Slow Night →
and here’s Kat’s report from last night.
katstories:
Last night was slow. The cool thing about this club is that they won’t make the girls go on stage unless there are enough guys and they’re tipping well. One of the small handful of customers waiting for enough other guys to show up was an older western shirt type who had his own little official…
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If Kat and I were tallying our earnings at the end of each shift as if we were in an episode of 2 Broke Girls, at least we would have doubled their total take for the whole season. That’s not saying so much in stripper terms. This week is a slow one at the Hard Rock (this is the club where the header photo up there was taken, and after seeing a mouse in the dressing room there, I...
kat like meow: First Impressions →
katstories:
Last night was my first night at the club out here where I happen to be located. It’s an adorable little bar with many qualities that I like, including the fact that dancers can dance to, in the words of Bubbles, “anything, and I do mean anything.” I haven’t had that kind of freedom to express…
This was our night.
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I have this Valentine’s Day present for you!...
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when did you stop beating your wife?
Just as a service worker’s tolerance for asshole behavior from a customer rises in direct proportion to how much he spends, so too will music fans overlook an artist’s morally repugnant private life in proportion to the assumed value of his output. People hate Chris Brown because he is too famous for music that is not good enough to replace his womanbeating as the first thing they...
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Bubbles and Kat, May 2010
Tomorrow Kat and I are meeting in one of those places serviced mainly by regional jets. We will be working a ten-day stretch in a couple of tiny clubs where I’ve been a half-dozen times and where she’s never been, but I’ve assured her you have to work there “for the stories*.” She’s worked in Guam—a place I’m terrified of—so...
what causes the lights to flutter/what causes my...
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Not the sexiest choice, perhaps, but nothing makes...
—Today’s suzyhooker post at Tits and Sass may contain the greatest sentence we’ve ever published.
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Inappropriate Stripper Set: Love For Sale
“Fancy,” Reba McEntire
“Private Dancer,” Tina Turner
It’s just depressing to remind everyone that you’re there for the money.
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“Britney Zooka actually referred to herself as a hipster, which means that...”
– You’d have to go to, golly, New York City or Las Vegas or Los Angeles to be an exotic dancer, because god knows there’s nowhere to do that in Portland, Oregon.
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this week at tits and sass
we had some things on our mind
Khia’s “Pay Your Pussy Bill” was my Stripper Music Monday pick. I was squicked out by some print ads for the .xxx domain.
Lilly Muse talked about the hooking/hustling in Breakfast at Tiffany’s and about her experience coming out as a sex worker to her sisters.
Charlotte reviewed the fucking ridiculous dystopian...
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“I could take a high-ground approach to complaining about this. It continues...”
– —Neil Genzlinger begs television to stop forcing him to watch scenes set in strip clubs.
He’s not wrong about most strip club scenes being boring. It’s sweet that his idea of taking the high ground is calling the sex industry “an ugly world of drugs and disease.” And that...
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“I guess this is vagina’s moment … I think there is some sort of...”
– Emily Kapnek, creator of ABC’s “Suburgatory,” said she didn’t know when she included a vagina joke in the show’s pilot that she’d be part of a trend.
January 2012
30 posts
3 tags
“Elliot Metz, a 22-year-old news producer from Wichita, Kan., used to watch...”
– “because it was hard to turn our necks with the nooses fitted so tightly around them.”
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stayblissedout asked: Dear StripperTweets, what are the 5 Albums I should hear? Also, is it a bit odd people play "Born In The USA" when doing salutes to troops?
chrisdl747 asked: Hey, need stripper/regular relationship advice. Trying not to get too close to my gave dancer but think I may be starting to. I started to email her to ask her schedule and she doesnt reply till a 2nd email from me. Life was simpler when I just showed up and she was there but started to feel it was a waste of time going when she wasn't there. This is also a bad sign isn't it? help
wallsconcesandgreenshutters asked: What is the best part about stripping/being a stripper?
jparkbrannen asked: Do you feel like you have mastered what you do? What new things do you think you learn daily?
estringsgstrings asked: Fuck. I feel totally unprepared for this, somehow. How are you? How's the Northwest?
biscuitsforpleasure asked: What's the worst book you've ever read? What is the coolest thing you've found at a thrift store?
geekcubed asked: Have you ever given lap dances to any offollowing artists: Dinosaur Jr, Julianna Hatcield, The Gits, The Lunachicks or Fugazi?
joelbarbercomedy asked: Not sure if you posted this before, but how do you know song is a good song for you to dance to, is there a process or do you pick whatever song you're feeling at the time?
ask me some questions tonight
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Last night some wasted femme-y young lady came to my stage and said “It makes my girlfriend mad when I tip you! Help me make her mad.” I looked over to see that her meanmugging GF was a dead ringer for Felicia Pearson and said “I don’t want to make her mad” while I slowly backed away.
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GQ: How were you feeling physically? James...
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Inappropriate Stripper Set: Daddies
“Father Figure,” George Michael
“Papa Don’t Preach,” Madonna Good songs. Creepy stripper set.
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Hey, strippers, what’s your favorite Prince song to dance to? And then what’s your favorite Prince song, period?
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always my favorite Prince song to dance to
I love many more but this one I love above all others.
(14) She’s Always In My Hair by PrinceisKing
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1. Chuck Klosterman is essentially one person, a somewhat androgynous American man named Chuck Klosterman. This is his nth column. I get the sense that asexuality is part of his hesher aesthetic, because I just looked at the Chuck Klosterman Wikipedia page and noticed that the wiki writer put a lot of effort into never using orientation-specific pronouns.
2. Klosterman was formerly employed as a...
Sugah - “Expired”
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I am sure this is explained somewhere in book form
“I’m Not Like Everybody Else” is supposed to be the first punk song.
As I often do, I was thinking about the Kinks this morning and their place in my all-time personal favorite artist list. And then I thought, but what about “Wild Thing”?
or “Substitute?”
What I didn’t know before going online today is that they all came out within months...
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“If they don’t pay for it, they don’t get it and we all need that...”
– Susannah Breslin radio interview about her Letters From Men Who Go To Strip Clubs blog